“American Beauty” is a satirical drama that follows Lester Burnham, a man feeling trapped in his mundane life and marriage, as he undergoes a transformation seeking a renewed sense of purpose. Lester’s mid-life crisis forces him to confront his dissatisfaction with the way he’s been living his life, leading to a strange and somewhat dark search for authenticity and meaning. Lester’s quest ends tragically highlighting the danger of unchecked desires and the fragility of life. Despite all this it’s always been one of my favorite films. I guess I appreciate the odd juxtaposition of darkness and light intertwined throughout Lester’s dichotomous journey of self discovery. The film concludes with one of my favorite quotes:
“…I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me; But it’s hard to stay mad when there’s so much beauty in the world. Sometimes, I feel like I’m seeing it all at once, and it’s too much – My heart fills up like a balloon that’s about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And, I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I’m talking about, I’m sure. But, don’t worry. You will someday”
-Lester Burnham
Make no mistake Lester Burnham’s life was shitty and pathetic. His career was in shambles, his marriage had fallen apart, and his daughter had no respect for him. Yet somehow he still chose to see beauty in the world and find joy in his journey. Life is hard. Bad stuff happens all the time. Injustice can be found just about everywhere. It’s easy to lose faith and start to question the very meaning behind it all. This is how negative mindsets are born. Taken to an extreme this disposition can lead to a person becoming nihilistic, which is derived from the Latin word “nihil” meaning “nothing”. It’s a philosophy that rejects the idea of inherent meaning, purpose, or value in life (think people who go off the rails and commit mass shootings). This is obviously a very dark and dangerous place to be, but fortunately most sane people will never arrive here. Even going slightly negative can have an adverse affect on the quality of your life however.
In my book I talk about my rock bottom moment at forty years old. I was in the midst of what I thought was a career comeback when I was abruptly let go from my job. We were living paycheck to paycheck at the time and had no savings whatsoever. Since the termination was unexpected I had no leads for employment elsewhere. My resume was also looking pretty rough after several years of tough sledding, and I had no idea how I was going to pay our bills. It would have been very easy to go negative. And up to that point in my life that was generally the direction I’d leaned. I felt unjustly entitled at work which was career limiting. I was oddly competitive with other people which was relationship limiting. I viewed life as a zero sum game where in order for me to win, somebody else had to lose. This made it very hard for me to be happy for other people’s accomplishments and success. I realize now this is a serious character flaw and in many ways I’m not proud of the person I was for the first forty years of my life.
But then something happened inside of me after I was fired for the first time in my career at forty years old. In a moment of clarity I realized the error in my ways. If I continued plodding along with the same negative mindset I would likely lose everything. So I went the other way. I took stock in all the positive things in my life. I had a loving wife and kids, my health, good friendships and family, so much more of the world to explore, and a much brighter future ahead. I even chose to view the termination in a positive light. My chain of command in that job was mediocre and myopic. They weren’t teaching me anything or making me better. And my new boss who’d orchestrated my demise was a buffoon. Working for that mouth breather would have been miserable. They actually did me a favor cutting me loose. I’ve always believed that success is the best revenge, so I used it as fuel while I formulated a plan for my career renaissance.
Ten years of positive thinking later I’d peaked the mountain. I joined an early-stage start-up as one of the very first employees. I gave a life force effort in building the company for eight years, and experienced a level of success I’d never reached before. But then right before the glorious IPO, I was unceremoniously let go. Fired for just the second time in my career. I found myself on the precipice of some very negative thinking. I took time off and hit the spiritual reset button. I wrote a book as a form of therapy and eventually found closure. I now view that termination in a positive light as well. I worked my ass off and got the opportunity to do the very best work of my career. The person I became is more confident and more comfortable in my own skin. And I’m forever grateful for the financial turnaround it provided. But the reality is once the politicians showed up that place became toxic and soul crushing. They actually did me a favor cutting me loose. I now get to work in a far more positive environment with far more authentic people. I’m inspired again and back to creating my own positive momentum.
One thing I learned through all the ups and downs of the last decade is that comparison is the killer of joy. Someone else will always have more than you or be better than you in some way. The key to staying positive is to find joy in what you’ve got. And if you don’t like what you’ve got, work harder and figure it out. From someone who coasted through the majority of their career without living up to their potential, and then went the other way, it’s much easier to find joy when you’re busting ass. Regardless of your circumstances or your station in life, the only way to be happy is to stay positive and grateful. And then hopefully you’ll be able to find joy in the journey, just like Lester Burnham.
JQ Rising 