JQ Rising

Finding light in the darkness

  • We Are Who We Choose To Be

    I recently read my book again, which has become an annual tradition. I do it as a barometer to see how far I’ve come—and how far I still have to go.

    What struck me most this year (outside of all the edits I’d make today) is how different a person I am now than the person I was when I wrote it just three years ago.

    For those who haven’t read the book, back in 2015 I was in a bad spot professionally and financially. So I hatched a plan and proceeded to manifest it. I joined an early-stage startup, effectively reinvented myself, and went on a run for the ages. At the end of it all, I had completely changed the trajectory of my career and reversed our financial fortunes.

    But the journey ended abruptly, and I was unceremoniously spit out the other side. It was an emotional gut punch that took me a while to process. I wrote the book during that period, which is why it feels like an emotional snapshot in time.

    The lessons I learned during those eight wonderful and terrible years absolutely hold up, but I am not the same person I was back then. That guy had tunnel vision born out of necessity, which led to an unbalanced life. The mountain I was climbing became my obsession, so I missed out on many wonderful things during the ascent.

    When I eventually reached the top, the air was thin, and there was no satisfaction or delight. I only felt emptiness for all the things I’d sacrificed along the way.

    I took a full year off from work under the guise of “early retirement.” After too much golf and a hip replacement surgery, I decided to get back in the game—but with a very different approach.

    I now make a conscious effort to enjoy the present, rather than always looking forward to the next thing. The good stuff in life is happening all around us every day. Choosing to enjoy it is simply a matter of perspective.

    This notion was reinforced with the birth of my first grandchild fourteen months ago (and I have another on the way!). Simple things can become core memories if you lean into the moment and embrace them fully.

    I suppose the lesson here is that we can change who we are at any point in time. It’s simply a matter of making the choice and controlling the internal dialogue in your head.

    Simply put: we are who we choose to be.

    Five months ago, I decided it was time to climb another mountain—this one even steeper than the last. I joined a pre-seed startup as the founding head of sales. Some think I’m crazy for taking this on at this point in my career. Early-stage building is brutal, and it can be a dark, lonely place without strong internal motivation. Plus, I already solved my financial crisis, so I should be professionally satisfied.

    Unfortunately, that couldn’t be further from the truth. I feel a strong desire to validate my past success with future success. I’ve also learned along the way that the best things in life are waiting on the other side of hard. So, I’m leaning in again.

    But this journey will be far different from the last.

    I will still apply a life-force effort to the success of the mission, but not at the expense of balance and harmony at home. Instead of always obsessing about reaching the peak, I’m going to find joy in the journey and embrace all the little victories along the way.

    I know now that I’m not nearly as important as I think I am. So instead of just playing the game, I’m choosing happiness—and I’ll let the chips fall where they may.

  • I’m Not Throwin’ Away My Shot

    I recently had a conversation with a former colleague. He was intrigued by my decision to join a seed stage start-up as the founding head of sales. Dude, do you know how much work that’s going to be?  Why not join a bigger, less risky company and coast it out? At this point in your career, don’t you think you’ve earned it? That would be the easy choice. I’m 52 years old and on the back nine of my career. Most people in my situation would indeed choose the comfortable path. I’m not most people. 

    The truth is I’ve been stuck in a rut professionally for the last few years now. I’ve done good work, but I haven’t felt satisfied. After a bit of soul searching it struck me. For the entirety of my career, I’ve been on someone else’s mission. I’ve mostly had a good seat on the bus and at times agency, but I’ve always had to play by someone else’s rules. That chapter of my career is now over. I’m no longer going to follow in someone else’s tracks. I’m going to make my own. It’s time to set out on my own mission where I control the outcome. 

    I’ve always believed if you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse. For the last few years I haven’t been getting any better. This role will force me to be better every single day. It is an exciting and somewhat daunting challenge to be the first one carrying the bag for a company with this kind of technical pedigree, but I’m all in. One of the lessons from my book is that true belief takes failure out of the equation. At Weilliptic, I truly believe we will forever change the world of AI. 

    If you’re wondering about the picture I chose for this post it is a rendering of Icarus from Greek mythology. His father, Daedalus, famously crafted two pairs of wings out of branches, string, and wax, so that they could escape imprisonment by King Minos in a tower on the island of Crete. Despite being warned by his father, Icarus flies too close to the sun, his wings melt, and he falls to his death in the ocean. Icarus is also the name of our fully aggregated AI chatbot, which is no coincidence. Our mission at Weilliptic is to enable our customers to take the capabilities of AI as close to the sun as possible, but without crashing and burning. We provide the missing trust layer so our customers can deploy AI safely, transparently, and cryptographically securely. 

    The mission is set. The tank is full. Now it’s all about the grind. LFG! 

  • A Love Letter to the Chargers

    Dear Chargers,

    It’s crazy to think about how long we’ve been together. Our relationship started all the way back in the late seventies during the Air Coryell era. I was just a kid, but something about you drew me in. My Dad and I didn’t have much in common back then and he’d never been a football fan until I came along. My interest drew him in too, and you became the bond that kept us close throughout my childhood. We used to love watching Dan Fouts throw the ball around the field to players like John Jefferson, Wes Chandler, Charlie Joiner and Kellen Winslow. You didn’t play much defense back then, but you sure were fun to watch. From 1978 to 1982, you had five consecutive winning seasons, four playoff appearances and three division titles. You made me so happy. I expected that feeling to last a lifetime. One of the greatest games you ever played was the 1981 road playoff win against the Dolphins. The final score in OT was 41-38 which was a perfect microcosm of the Air Coryell years. You sadly lost in the AFC championship game the following week in the freezing cold of Cincinnati, and that jolting sense of disappointment would go on to become a theme in our relationship. You promptly went into the tank for the better part of the next decade. From 1983 to 1991, you didn’t have a single winning season and you never finished higher than third in your division. This is when many of my friends began to see other teams, but I stayed loyal to you 

    In 1992 you started the season with four straight losses and I figured I was in for more of the same torture. But then you came back with a vengeance and won eleven of your last twelve games to capture a division title for the first time in a decade. Unfortunately you lost to the Dolphins in the divisional round of the playoffs 0-31, and the misery continued. In 1994 you went on an unlikely run and made it all the way to your one and only Superbowl, led by journeyman quarterback Stan Humphries (who woulda thunk it :). You were the biggest underdog in Superbowl history at -18.5 against the mighty 49ers. They easily covered the spread and beat you 49-26, but I was just happy to be there. I still remember partying with all my buddies at Jack Murphy Stadium waiting for you to arrive back home after your AFC championship win in Pittsburgh. I thought that season might be a turning point in our relationship, but you promptly went back into the tank for another decade. From 1996 – 2003, you once again had no winning seasons and finished no higher than third in your division. This is when even more of my friends started to see other teams, but I stayed faithful to you 

    In 2004 you returned to form and captured your first division title in a decade, led by comeback player of the year Drew Brees. You won five division titles over the next six years, but each season ended with another bitter loss in the playoffs. The worst was in 2006. You had your best season ever and a roster loaded with talent including players like Philip Rivers, Antonio Gates and NFL MVP, Ladanian Tomlinson. You went 14-2 and had the best record in football for the first time in team history. Then you hosted the Patriots in the divisional round of the playoffs and disaster struck. On fourth and five with 6:25 remaining in the fourth quarter you led 21-13. Patriots quarterback Tom Brady was intercepted at your 30-yard line by safety Marlon McCree and the game was all but sealed. But then McCree was inexplicably stripped of the ball, the Patriots recovered and their reborn drive would end in a touchdown and ensuing two-point conversion. The Patriots went on to win 24-21 after you missed a last-second field goal. What a gut punch. That was definitely the low point in our relationship. The Colts, a team we absolutely dominated during that time period, beat the Patriots the following week and went on to win the Superbowl (our Superbowl!). You made the playoffs just once more over the next decade and lost again in the divisional round. Then came 2017 when you decided to jump ship and move (back) to Los Angeles. At this point all of my remaining friends swore you off, but not me 

    I had moved to Orange County twenty years earlier, and I remained steadfast in my belief that we belonged together. That move actually brought us closer not just geographically but also emotionally. Since every game felt like a road game, you needed me more than ever and I obliged. You made the playoffs the year after you skipped town, and I was hopeful the move might change our fate. Unfortunately you lost again in the divisional round. In 2020 you used your first round draft pick on quarterback Justin Herbert, a generational talent. He burst onto the scene and won offensive rookie of the year. I was certain he would change our fate. But then you blew a 27-0 lead in the 2022 playoffs and lost to the Jaguars. You justifiably fired your entire coaching staff the following season and then in 2024 you handed the reigns over to Jim Harbaugh, a proven winner. He would change the culture and this would surely change our fate I presumed. You improved your win total by six games in his first season and returned to the playoffs. This is our time, I thought. But then you lost to the Texans by twenty points 

    After everything we’ve been through some might call this relationship toxic. They could argue I’ve gotten nothing positive out of it, but I don’t see it that way. Since we first started this relationship almost fifty years ago, I’ve been able to experience a full range of emotions, from optimism and excitement to shock and disbelief. Yes, every season may have ended in bitter disappointment, but that’s okay. Not only did you bring me closer to my Dad, but you’ve also brought me closer to my own children. Yes, I’ve pulled them into this sordid affair too. What can I say? Misery loves company. You opened the 2025 season last Friday in Brazil against the Chiefs, a team who’s been to three straight Superbowls and beaten you seven straight times. If history was any indication you would most certainly find a way to blow that game. But alas, you did not. You played a perfect game and finally beat those assholes! I’m now more convinced than ever that the combination of Justin Herbert and Jim Harbaugh along with a much improved roster will absolutely change our fate. And when you do finally win that elusive Superbowl title, all of this suffering will have been well worth it because the taste of victory will be that much sweeter 

    I love you. Bolt up!                 

  • Lessons For My Granddaughter

    My first grandchild, Elena, entered the world on 5/31/25. I haven’t been this happy or excited about anything for a very long time. Whenever I’m with her my cup is full. Being a grandparent is the best. It’s all the good things about being a parent with none of the responsibility. When I was a new parent at twenty five years old, I didn’t know shit. I was just trying to keep my kids alive and love them, while also trying to make a living. At the time I didn’t have much to teach them about how to approach life or their eventual careers. Twenty five years later I know a few more things. I plan on teaching Elena all the things I would have taught my children had I known them at the time:

    1) Trust your gut

    Steve Jobs said it best: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” In other words, you do you. You alone are the author of your story and can edit it at any time

    2) Comparison is the killer of joy

    Appreciate what you’ve got, and pay no attention to little miss next to you – remember that song? 🙂 Someone will always have more than you or be superior to you in some way. Accept it, and try to find a way to be happy for them instead of envious. I struggle with this daily, but training the mind is like training a puppy. The work is never done. Instead of worrying so much about other people’s lives, try to focus on all the goodness in yours. Limiting your time on social media is a great place to start 🙂

    3) Never complete a negative thought

    This one is inspired by Henry Winkler’s autobiography, Being Henry. He advises to never complete a negative thought. Instead you should interrupt it by saying something like, “I have no time for that now”, or by replacing the negative thought with a positive one. Winkler’s example of a positive thought is “moist chocolate Bundt cake,” but you can think of whatever is positive for you. The point is if you allow yourself to complete a negative thought it will send you to a negative place, and it’s easy to spiral from there. If you always keep yourself in a positive mindset you will always have positive momentum. You should also read Being Henry. It’s very entertaining and Henry Winkler may be the nicest human alive   

    4) Choose your tribe wisely

    Humans are social creatures and we have an intrinsic need for belonging. Be sure to surround yourself with people who lift you up, not bring you down. Don’t ever stay in a relationship or a job with the latter

    5) Strive for meaning over happiness

    Happiness will come and go, but meaning will give you something to hold onto. “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful…” – Ralph Waldo Emerson. One of the pillars of a meaningful life is purpose. Finding your purpose is less about what you want, and more about what you can offer the world. Use your strengths to succeed and help others along the way. Good things will follow

    6) Choose hard 

    Embrace doing hard things. When making big decisions in your life or career, don’t be tempted to take the easy path. It’ll always be there. All growth happens on the hard path, the one where you’re pushed outside of your comfort zone. I’ve chosen the easy path and I’ve chosen the hard path. Turns out all the good stuff in my life was waiting just on the other side of the hard one

    7) Just keep swimming!

    You’re going to make plenty of mistakes and do some things you’re not proud of. Learn and be better. Focus on progress over perfection. And most importantly try to live in the present. Too much looking forward makes it hard to appreciate what’s right in front of you. Too much looking back keeps you stuck in the past. Yesterday’s gone and tomorrow isn’t promised. Find joy in the simple things and try to maximize every moment. Putting your phone away is a great place to start 🙂

    8) Believe and you will achieve

    Sometimes you’ll feel inspired, like you can accomplish anything. Other times you’ll feel small, like the world is against you. It’s all about perspective and self-imposed barriers. The only limiting factor is you. Ignore the self doubt, everyone feels it sometimes. Believe in yourself, and you are capable of anything

    9) Always play the game in a skillful state

    If you go the business route for your career, always remember that work is a game. You must control the narrative to survive and advance. The best way is with maximum effort and always being coachable <insert shameless plug here> You can also read my book, Rise! Available through Amazon or Barnes & Noble 

    10) Be a good human

    At times you will be faced with choices that will test your character and integrity. Try to always do the right thing and treat people the way you’d like to be treated. You’ll sleep better at night, and I believe karma is ultimately a determining factor in your life’s fate. Plus the world needs more kindness   

  • Lessons Learned in Leadership

    I was recently asked to lead a sales training for (mostly) new first line leaders. While building my deck I was taken back to my first two stints in leadership where I suffered badly from imposter syndrome. My leaders in those roles were largely mediocre and myopic, and taught me pretty much nothing. As a result my imposter syndrome clung on for three years. Then I landed at a company with inspiring, competent leaders who showed me what great looks like (they also showed me some things to avoid in the future :). What follows are my top ten lessons learned as I made the long (but eventually successful) transition from IC to leader:

    1. It’s no longer all about you. The AE is the quarterback, the start of the show, the leading lady / man, (insert your favorite spotlight analogy here). The leader’s job is no longer to get the glory, but rather to help others achieve it
    2. Without credibility you’re just overhead. It’s impossible to coach to a level of mastery until you’ve reached it yourself. Do the work, learn your brief, then show your team what great looks like
    3. Lead with trust. If you’ve hired the right people, your default should be to assume they’re doing the right things (until they prove you wrong)
    4. Be the Zen master. As the leader you always need to be the voice of calm and reason when the inevitable storm shows up
    5. Empathy is a superpower. Put yourself in other people’s shoes to understand their big picture. Otherwise you won’t know how to lead them as individuals. Everyone is different and the “one size fits all” approach to leadership is dead
    6. Consistency is the key to sustaining success. Make your expectations crystal clear up front, explain the why, then do not deviate from your standard operating procedures
    7. Take pressure off of people instead of adding more. Pressure may turn coal into diamonds, but people aren’t coal. Your team will perform at their best when they feel inspired and supported, not stressed the fuck out
    8. Stop talking about your past accomplishments. Nobody cares what you did yesterday. Dig in and get your hands dirty today. Actions will always speak louder than words 
    9. Never make people feel small when they mess up. We learn way more from failure than we do success. Prop up your team with positivity and keep them focused on the long game
    10. True belief takes failure out of the equation. Be an eternal optimist and create the same belief in your team. Nobody else is buying into the mission until you’re all in yourself 

  • Everyone Has A Story

    As I’ve gotten older I no longer have patience for small talk. It just feels like a waste of time. I want to know the real deep-down shit about people. What makes them tick? When were they most happy in their lives? What’s been their biggest disappointment or failure? How did they bounce back? Where do they want to be in ten years? Any bucket list items they’re eager to check off? If they could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? 1:1 dialogue is where it’s at. That’s where you learn the stuff about people that makes you feel something. It’s the same reason I love to read biographies. I want to know the essence of someone, not the superficial, surface-level bullshit (you the human > you the public persona). Over the past year I’ve read the following memoirs:

    The Light We Carry by Michelle Obama

    Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry

    The Storyteller by Dave Grohl

    Oath and Honor by Liz Cheney

    Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey

    The Truths We Hold by Kamala Harris

    Be Useful by Arnold Schwarzenegger

    A Life in Parts by Bryan Cranston

    What I Know For Sure by Oprah Winfrey

    From Here to the Great Unknown by Lisa Marie Presley

    Born A Crime by Trevor Noah

    Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain

    A Very Punchable Face by Colin Jost

    It’s a Long Story by Willie Nelson

    Being Henry by Henry Winkler

    Yes Please by Amy Poehler

    I enjoyed them all for different reasons, and I intentionally chose a diverse range of people to learn about. Each of these authors is highly introspective and ultimately found success in their chosen field. But before they did, they all dealt with various setbacks and differing degrees of self doubt. Some were unable to overcome their demons (Matthew Perry, Lisa Marie Presley, Anthony Bourdain). Others became stronger as a result of their adversity. Each have led fascinating lives and all have left a lasting mark on the world in some way. Perhaps most importantly what they share in common is that they are all indelibly human. That’s why I want to learn someone’s real story, and have no time for the highlight reels they post on social media. The more I learn about other people the more I learn about myself, and the more I’m ultimately convinced that we’re all pretty much the same, except for Oprah – she’s the chosen one! 🙂 Bottom line how about we all cut the bullshit and start being real…      

  • Don’t Be An Asshole

    As I’ve gotten older, I really have no patience for people who think too highly of themselves. Confidence is a good thing and it’s one of the key ingredients to success. But when confidence bleeds over into arrogance, the goodness ceases to exist. The dirty little secret about arrogance is that it’s most often used to mask insecurities. Truly confident people don’t need to boast about their accomplishments, they don’t need to put others down to feel better about themselves, and they will usually listen far more than they talk. They know that their actions will speak for themselves. Arrogant people are just the opposite. They use bravado to cover up their shortcomings, they intentionally do things to make others feel small, and they will usually talk far more than they listen. The rare few who truly do believe that they are better or smarter than everyone else likely suffer from a personality disorder (see current POTUS). Regardless of the root cause, arrogance is never a good look. The more time I spend on this earth the more I realize we’re all the fucking same, man. Some of us may be better at certain things than others, but at the end of the day we’re all equally flawed and wonderful in our own ways. One of the many things I love about working at Torq is that we have a strict no assholes policy. In case you were wondering what constitutes being an asshole, I’ve made a top ten list below:  

    10) If you’ve ever lied to someone’s face because you lacked the courage to have an honest conversation… you might be an asshole

    9) If you’re ever publicly demeaned anyone for any reason… you might be an asshole

    8) If you’ve ever passed on hiring someone because you think they may be better at the job than you… you might be an asshole

    7) If you’ve ever taken too much of the credit for someone else’s work… you might be an asshole

    6) If you’ve ever one-upped somebody with a story full of name drops to make yourself sound more important… you might be an asshole

    5) If you’ve ever proclaimed yourself to be an expert in anything, and you don’t have a PhD… you might be an asshole

    4) If you’ve ever delighted in terminating someone’s employment… you might an asshole

    3) If you’ve ever stopped listening to someone mid conversation because you’ve lost interest… you might be an asshole

    2) If you’ve ever flexed on someone just because you can… you might be an asshole

    1) If you think none of these things apply to you because of your position or title… you’re definitely an asshole

    Bottom line, don’t be an asshole. Stay humble, work hard, be kind. Good things will follow

  • The Mind Is A Funny Thing

    I’ve always been a perfectionist in certain ways. For instance typos drive me nuts. I’m always annoyed when I find them in other people’s work, but it’s even worse when I find them in my own. There’s a typo on page 89 of my book by the way, and it will always will be there mocking me. Imperfections in my possessions also drive me nuts. After the IPO at my previous employer changed our financial fortunes, my wife and I decided to splurge on just one thing. Throughout our relationship we’ve both always appreciated nice cars. So we decided to make a short list of all the cars we would buy if money wasn’t an issue. We eventually landed on a Porsche Taycan GTS and paid cash for it. Every time I’m behind the wheel I feel a strange mix of joy and anxiety. On the one hand it’s exhilarating to drive my dream car. On the other hand we spent more on that car than we did on our first house, and it would kill me if anything bad ever happened to it. It is the epitome of perfection and I’d like to keep it that way. I honestly may get more joy out of keeping it clean in my garage than driving it. But then one day it inevitably got its first scratch from some careless asshole in a parking lot, and… I felt an odd sense of relief. The same odd sense of relief I felt when I found that typo in my book. It’s hard to explain. It was like my mind suddenly went quiet, because I was no longer stressed out about maintaining the appearance of perfection. I suppose it wouldn’t be a bad thing to approach life in general this way. Perhaps imperfections exist as a comfortable reminder that life isn’t meant to be perfect. Maybe the lesson here is to stop chasing perfection and find joy in the mundane. Happiness is a choice and a direct reflection of how we perceive ourselves in the world. Unfortunately no amount of possessions will get you there without the right state of mind, not even a super expensive sports car 🙂 

    In sales we live our lives in ninety day chunks. Every quarter close is like navigating a mine field. A misstep here or there and you can easily blow yourself up. Since I had previously put myself behind the eight ball financially, the stakes were always very high at every quarter end. I needed to deliver results in order to survive. This resulted in major stress and anxiety, like I was living in a pressure cooker. The aforementioned IPO resolved my financial stress, and also changed my mental approach. I now view the quarter end pressure as a privilege. It simply means I’m doing something that matters. I will continue to bust ass and do everything in my power to deliver results, but I won’t stress about the things I can’t control. I’ll roll through the twists and turns of every quarter end on an even keel, I won’t grip when I receive bad news on a deal, and I won’t over identify with my troops and adjust to their stress levels. I will keep calm, carry on, and let the chips fall where they may. A zen state of mind is also a choice and a direct reflection of how we perceive ourselves in the world.

    Sometimes we just need to get out of our own way, and not get wrapped around the axle focusing on the wrong things. Happiness and zen are there for the taking if we can simply recalibrate our minds.

  • Goals Aren’t For Everyone

    Whenever I set a big goal for myself, I inevitably feel let down right after I’ve reached it. I know the disappointment is waiting for me just on the other side of the achievement, but I can still never avoid it. Perhaps it’s a personality defect or possibly my reaction is part of a larger life lesson. Maybe the purpose of life is not about reaching a destination, but rather about being present in each moment and soaking it in.

    When I look back on my career there’s two distinct windows in time where everything seemed perfect. The first window came very early in my career when I was a seller at EMC. I was part of a high performing team where everyone got along and genuinely enjoyed working together. Every member of our team qualified for the club trip two years in a row which is very rare. We had an absolute blast partying together on the beach and celebrating our joint success. That window only lasted for a couple years before attrition got the best of us. The next window came over a decade later when I joined an early-stage start-up as part of the founding sales team. I was able to build multiple teams across multiple geographies and establish a culture I was proud of. I genuinely enjoyed every person I worked with (for the most part :). We accomplished great things and had fun doing it together. It was five years of (mostly) awesome until the politicians showed up and slammed that window shut. Looking back the commonality between the two windows is that I didn’t realize how good we had it at the time. I was too busy chasing goals.

    A CEO I used to work for, who’s the most successful person I’ve ever known, used to say that he doesn’t set goals. He simply tries to be as impactful as possible every single day whatever that means in the moment. The downside is that he’s never satisfied, like he’s climbing a mountain he’ll never peak. But the upside is that there’s no limit to what he can achieve. We’re certainly not wired the same way, but perhaps he’s onto something. Maybe a reframe is all I need to fully enjoy and embrace this third awesome window that just opened at Torq. I’ve decided I’m not going to set a single goal for myself. I don’t care about titles, W2’s, equity grants, or IPO’s. I’m simply going to get up every morning with a positive attitude and a grateful heart, and attempt to be as impactful as possible whatever that means in each moment. And I’m going to take time along the way to soak it all in, because awesome times can be fleeting.

  • Grief and Healing

    We lost Sophie just over a year ago. Honestly I’ve never experienced grief like that before in my life. I’d lost relatives and several friends (none that were close), but nothing had ever affected me like the loss of my best friend. She may have been just a dog (a Shitzu to be precise) and she may have only weighed eight pounds, but losing her stopped me dead in my tracks. I still can’t look at pictures of her without getting emotional. In many ways animals are superior to humans. They’re innocent and pure and good. Sophie epitomized all of those things, but she was also one of the most selfish creatures I’ve ever encountered. Everything was always all about her, and for some reason I found it endearing and amusing. 

    Sometimes I feel like I exist within my own head, so it’s hard to genuinely connect with other people. Animals cut through this barrier. It’s like they’re able to bypass your brain and imprint directly on your soul. They love you completely despite all of your flaws. It’s almost not even fair. And you’re their whole world so the relationship is purely authentic. My wife and I have always loved animals and we’ve had many different pets over our thirty years together; dogs, cats, lizards, fish, hermit crabs, hamsters, and even a desert tortoise. Unlike most other creatures, dogs and cats tend to pick a person. Sure, they’re loving to everyone in the family, but there’s inevitably one person who becomes theirs. Over the years just about every dog and cat we’ve ever owned has picked my wife to be their person. It makes total sense. In our home she’s the sun and we all exist in her orbit. For whatever reason, Sophie was the first dog or cat to choose me. Perhaps her selfish nature made her my spirit animal 🙂 Regardless whenever I got home she was the first one to greet me with excitement and kisses. She followed me everywhere I went and would snuggle down right next to me wherever I sat. She slept next to me every night in our bed. And every morning during our walk, I couldn’t help but smile at how particular she was sniffing everything in sight until she found just the perfect spot to do her business. After we lost her, I was left with a Sophie sized whole in my heart.

    The only saving grace was that we still had Sophie’s sister, a seven pound Maltese named Zoey, who was blind and deaf at that point and near the end of her life as well. I gave Zoey all of my love which helped a lot with the grief, but we lost her six months later, and my emotional wound was once again exposed. My wife could tell I was struggling and suggested we get a new pet to distract my sorrow. At first I was against the idea. We’d recently become empty nesters and the plan was to start traveling the world. Anyone who’s owned pets knows they’re not very conducive to world travel. I eventually relented and we adopted a one year old feral cat we named Harper, who is an absolute angel. But guess who she picked? Yup – Harper is my wife’s cat through and through. 

    Two months after we adopted Harper, my wife’s esthetician was looking for a home for a six month old kitten. He was living with two asthmatic children and his fur was causing breathing problems, so they had to give him up. My first thought was no way, we just adopted a cat that will need to be farmed out whenever we travel. Two cats would make it that much more difficult and expensive. My wife usually knows what I need even when I don’t, so she over-ruled me and we adopted a second cat we named Logan. And guess what? Lighting struck twice and Logan chose me! He’s the first one to greet me when I get home with excited meows and kisses. He follows me everywhere I go and snuggles down right next to me wherever I sit. He sleeps next to me every night in our bed. And he sits next to me in his stroller whenever I work outside which is often (see picture at top of post). Like Sophie, he’s also extremely selfish so I guess I found my second spirit animal 🙂

    Sophie can never be replaced, but Logan has filled a void and greatly improved the quality of my life. I suppose the lesson here is that the universe will give you what you need if you’re open to it… and you should always listen to your wife 🙂 I went from being the fruity dog guy to being the fruity cat guy, and I’m totally okay with it. Gotta own your shit, right? Animals enrich our lives and are truly a blessing.